The Je ne sais quoi

LOOK: Dress | Shoes - Similar here  and here | Earrings | Sunnies 


And just like that I'm 40. This week I've spent a lot of time fretting over that fact. My emotions have run the gamut of sadness, terror, anger and excitement. Technically turning 40 means nothing, except I've had one more dance around the sun.  I'm extremely grateful for that, but I would be lying to everyone if I didn't admit that I have had some sadness surrounding this birthday.

Perhaps it's misconceived notion that I would have it all figured out by 40, that I would be married, that I would have kids and that I would own a home. I don't have any of these things, and that's okay. The truth is I'm 40, I'm single, I don't have kids and I currently live with my Parents until I figure out where I want to live (Thanks Mom and Dad!). The truth is I don't have one single thing figured out and I'm stuck in what my therapist and I are calling the in-between. We have also decided that there is so much beauty in the in-between. There is beauty in owning your struggle and figuring out where. you want to go from there. There is also beauty in celebrating what who you did become when you let go of the ridiculous notion of who you thought you were.

So that's what I will do! I will celebrate my life as it is, continue to work on what I want it to be and keep recreating my dreams in the in-between. I will celebrate being an excellent Aunt instead of a Mom. I will keep dating in hopes that love will blossom. I will enjoy my days with my Parents because they are honestly the gift that keeps on giving. I will celebrate this online community that was never apart of the plan, but instead became a dream come true. I will give myself permission to feel absolutely everything that I want to feel, without drowning in the sadness of perceived failure. My friend Carlatte reminded me that I am racing myself and that there are no rules. I honestly needed to hear that gentle reminder.

I will be 40 and it will be fabulous. So whoever you are, wherever you are, how ever old you are remember you are wonderful and amazing so is your life just the way it is. Don't forget how amazing you are while you mourn the loss of the idea of who you were going to be.

Thank you for reading! J